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August 24, 2010 / Magic Mama

Very Unlikely

When we were waiting for THE call on Friday between 1:00 and 3:00, hubby had a theory that the longer the wait, the better. Because it seemed to make sense that they would want to get the bad calls out of the way first and end on a high note. We got that call at 2:30. So when I was waiting for THE call today which was supposed to come between 2:00 and 4:00, and the phone rang at 1:30, I wasn’t ready to answer it.

The second beta was only 39. Meaning it is “very unlikely” that it is viable since the numbers (starting at 25) were supposed to double every two days (reaching 100 by today) and we didn’t even come close. It will probably be what is called a “chemical pregnancy” or early miscarriage.

Our doctor wants me to come in for one more test on Friday. I guess just to be sure. Based on the information from the doctor and what I had already been researching and reading, it seems like it’s about 99% over. So I kind of wish I didn’t have to have that appointment because I feel like I’m grieving now, but I can’t completely let go, and I’ll have to start grieving all over again.

So very sad. Tears. And my heart hurts. I don’t think anything will really make me feel better except for time. But of course hubby is trying, and that helps too. And the support from everyone we love. And maybe eventually a plan for what’s next.

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4 Comments

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  1. Shannon / Aug 24 2010 10:07 pm

    I’m so, so sorry. I was so hoping you’d get better news. I think you’re right on about the timing of the calls, my nurse called at 1:50 with my first beta and 1:30 with my second. What a shit cycle for both of us :(

  2. Mweep / Aug 25 2010 12:19 am

    I’m so sorry. Life is unfair. *hugs*

  3. K / Aug 25 2010 12:29 am

    Love you friend.

  4. Janet Solyntjes / Aug 25 2010 1:38 pm

    I feel sad with the news and with hearing of your heartache. I find it hard to understand why life goes the way it does much of the time.

    Hang in there – weep in your hubby’s arms, let go, trust in yourself, and see what unfolds.

    Sending you love…

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