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August 27, 2010 / Magic Mama

No Go

It’s officially bad news. Beta number three only reached 41 (it should be at least around 1,000 by 5 weeks). I will discontinue the progesterone and estrogen and then “let it run its course”, which could be a few days or a few weeks. Really hoping for sooner rather than later because it seems like the wait will be emotionally wearing. In the meantime, I’ll check back for more blood work each week so they can monitor decreasing HCG levels.

After the last beta on Tuesday, I was prepared for this. I have been continually convincing myself between then and now that it was already over. Pushing any glimmers of hope out of my head as soon as they tried to sneak in. I don’t like how negative that sounds, but that’s how I needed to deal with it.

It still sucks.

On a positive note, we switched to a different doctor at the same clinic. From the beginning, we didn’t feel like we were clicking with our original doctor for a number of reasons. Our new doctor is who called me with the report today, and I already felt much more comfortable. We will be meeting with him in a few weeks to discuss next steps.

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18 Comments

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  1. Sara / Aug 27 2010 11:12 pm

    In my opinion, you are allowed and entitled to feel however you darn please! You have been through so much. I would say some negative feelings are totally in order and natural. Glad to know you have a plan for the future. Looking ahead always helps. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!! Sending you strength…

  2. Janet Solyntjes / Aug 28 2010 7:19 pm

    Sad news… but what a heroic effort you’ve made! I can sense you’re inner strength amidst the uncertainty and longing that are part of the Abracadabra Baby journey.

    You have shared the roller-coaster ride of hope and fear with your family and friends. I appreciate the intimacy of it. Such a ride can either lead one to cowardly hide from the sharp edges of life or bravely embrace the ongoing experience of challenge. I admire your bravery!

    I hope the new doctor has a good feeling for the next step. In the mean time, I hope you get some rest.

  3. Shannon / Aug 29 2010 11:00 am

    I’m sorry…c/p’s suck. I honestly could not have imagined just how painful it all was. I hope you are able to find some peace and I hope it’s over with quickly for you. *hugs*

  4. nancy / Aug 30 2010 2:33 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Tons of ~hugs~ coming your way.

  5. Roccie / Aug 30 2010 2:47 am

    Preparation doesnt do a damn thing, does it?

    I am so very sorry for this loss.

    I am glad to hear you have a plan to determine your next steps. Best wishes.

  6. Kelly / Aug 30 2010 2:51 am

    I’m so sorry.

  7. Illanare / Aug 30 2010 10:44 am

    Here from LFCA – I am so sorry for your loss.

  8. Haidee / Aug 30 2010 7:35 pm

    Just popping over from LFCA and wanted to say I’m so sorry to read of your loss. Heartbreaking. Thinking of you at this difficult time. xox

  9. Saartjie / Aug 30 2010 8:31 pm

    Hi, I know that nothing that I say will make it better, but I stillt want to say that I’m so sorry about your loss.

  10. Jem / Aug 30 2010 10:32 pm

    Poop. Please know that you are not alone.

  11. Rebecca / Aug 31 2010 2:52 am

    So sorry…glad to hear you’ve switched to a doctor you feel more comfortable with. Thinking of you & sending love from LFCA.

  12. lady pumpkin / Aug 31 2010 3:08 am

    Dropping by from LFCA. I’m so, so sorry to read of your loss. I hope your wait is mercifully brief so that you can begin to heal. But any way you slice it, this sucks. Sending hugs.

  13. Katie / Aug 31 2010 5:12 am

    Ugh.

    Chemical pregnancies are awful. You just get a taste of the hope and excitement and then it is all torn away.

    It never mattered to me that I was “barely” pregnant, I still saw all of those losses as my babies and miss them to this day.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and I am so sorry for your loss.

  14. Mrs. Unexpected / Aug 31 2010 8:56 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. The loss of a pregnancy is heartbreaking. Sending hugs your way.

  15. Another Dreamer / Aug 31 2010 9:34 pm

    So sorry for your loss (*hugs*) Pregnancy loss is never easy, and I’m sorry you are going through this.

  16. Jess / Aug 31 2010 10:00 pm

    Dropping by from LFCA… I am so sorry for your loss…

  17. Mamapants / Sep 13 2010 4:59 pm

    Boo ~ We’re eagerly awaiting your appointment this week and thoughts about moving forward. We’re so pleased that you’ve felt a good connection with the new doctor and will have the comfort of better communication.

    If only the power of love could make all of this happen easily and quickly…… You’re surrounded by it:)

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