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April 24, 2011 / Magic Mama

Puffy Eyes

Two tests. A lonely line and a digital -NO. At 9dp5dt (9 days past 5th day transfer — equivalent of 14 days past ovulation), that’s enough for plenty of tears.

I was feeling like this really might work. Like maybe the fatigue and nausea and cramps were a sign of something brewing (even though I kept telling myself and others that they were side effects of the hormones). And I felt good about our embryos. And the fact that we at least had the start of something the first time around.

But this morning I woke up feeling very much not pregnant. I laid there wishing I didn’t have to pee. Because I didn’t want to know. I tried to convince myself it was just jitters, but I couldn’t keep myself from frowning while I waited the three minutes holding hubby’s hand. And then forced myself to look.

Beta is tomorrow.

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12 Comments

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  1. Virginia / Apr 24 2011 1:22 pm

    My dear Sarah, I am so sorry. It seemed as if things were looking good. Love, Grandma

  2. lady pumpkin / Apr 24 2011 1:48 pm

    Honey, I’m so, so sorry. I’m right here with you. I’m sitting at a friend’s house for Easter and barely holding back tears for how much this sucks for both of us. What do we have to do to get babies?? I’m here for you. Sending so much love and holding your hand through this sadness.

  3. Mweep / Apr 24 2011 8:19 pm

    I’m so sorry, for you and Matt. Sending love.

  4. K / Apr 24 2011 9:06 pm

    Oh honey. There are no words. Let us know if we can do anything for you or Matt. Thinking of you and love you.

  5. Janet Solyntjes / Apr 24 2011 9:18 pm

    Dear Sarah, how disappointing to hear the news. I can only imagine the level of sadness you and Matt must be experiencing. Sending you love from Colorado, Janet

  6. Roccie / Apr 25 2011 6:10 am

    I am so sorry. Some cycles hurt hurt more than others and this one seems especially painful after you start to believe.

  7. renee / Apr 25 2011 1:09 pm

    I’m so sorry.

  8. 1goodegg / Apr 25 2011 1:37 pm

    I am crying for you and really hoping that those stupid sticks were wrong! :(

  9. Jenni / Apr 25 2011 9:14 pm

    So sorry. There’s never really anything I feel like I can say to make it any better, but I feel for you.

  10. Grannie K / Apr 26 2011 4:58 pm

    There are no words to make this any better, you and Matt WILL be great parents one day-hang in there and know you have many people supporting you!

Trackbacks

  1. BFN Again « Abracadabra Baby
  2. The Best Is Yet To Come « Abracadabra Baby

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