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June 8, 2011 / Magic Mama

And Now We Wait

Our nurse called on Monday. Protocol would have been for the embryologist to not follow up until Tuesday, so I was a bit thrown. When I saw the number pop up, my split-second reaction was why are they calling? what’s wrong? Before I quickly rationalized that everything was okay. Still, I think I sounded hesitant when I answered and a bit frazzled when she reported that of the 9 fertilized eggs, they were able to biopsy 8 embryos for PGD. And all 8 were looking very good so far. She was just thinking of us and thought we’d appreciate an update. After I hung up, I felt bad that I probably came across as a little indifferent about her bonus call.

This morning, I started drinking water 15 minutes earlier than the recommended hour before transfer. I downed 40 ounces, which made me a bit nauseous as it sloshed around, but was sure to fill my bladder in time to avoid the dreaded catheter. I popped my Valium, too.

When we arrived at the clinic, we were greeted by a nurse with a familiar face, but not “our” nurse. At the last transfer, our nurse had spilled the news right away, but this nurse just led us back to the room to get ready. She didn’t know our history. She didn’t know that this was our fourth time being there for a transfer. She didn’t know that we were using PGD and that’s probably how we managed to not already have a baby from the last 38 eggs that were retrieved. She had a sudden glimmer of recognition and asked something confusing about wasn’t it us who was having a girl? No, you must be thinking of someone else.

Then she told us who would be doing our transfer and asked if we had met. Yes, we had — it was our first doctor who we had requested to transfer away from after our first cycle. This was obviously not our ideal scenario since we already felt like part of an awkward post break-up scene whenever we passed her in the clinic. I thought it unusual that they would allow our transfer to be with a doctor who we had asked not to see anymore. Or that they wouldn’t have at least mentioned it in advance. Isn’t it in our chart? Shouldn’t it be in our chart that we had asked for a new doctor partially because we weren’t comfortable with her? Anyway, I guess it was the (un)luck of the draw. Our transfer day and her procedure day just happened to match up.

I didn’t say anything because I figured we didn’t have a choice, but in hindsight I probably should have (or still could) just so that they are more aware of that type of situation for other people in the future. Surely we weren’t the first or last people who would feel that way. But, at least I didn’t have any concerns about the doctor’s skills and capabilities for the actual transfer.

Among other things, at our first transfer, we were unimpressed with the way that she handled the PGD report before the procedure. Once I was already lying on the table, she came in and rambled a bunch of terms and letters and numbers that we didn’t understand. We felt rushed and confused. Partly because we were new to all of this, but that’s why we expected more explanation and guidance.

Today, she once again waited until we were in the transfer room (not our preference and not how the last two doctors who performed our transfers handled it). I put on my best “this isn’t awkward at all because we’re just like old friends” smile. She showed us a picture of the two embryos that we would be transferring. I asked about the others. There were four that were unaffected — the two we were transferring, one that they will continue to monitor, and one that didn’t make it. The other four were either affected or came back as inconclusive. I asked if any of them were higher-quality carrier females because we had talked about the possibility of considering those for transfer this time. She said she didn’t understand what I was asking. I didn’t understand why she didn’t understand what I was asking. But it turns out there were no female carriers in the bunch anyway. Hubby and I agreed that she seemed to be giving us a bit of the cold shoulder.

Despite the bedside manner, the transfer itself went well. And that’s really all that matters. My bladder was full, I was relaxed and drowsy from the valium (more than usual), and the doctor easily inserted the two embryos into my uterus.

Here they are. Both boys. A B2 on the left and an M3 on the right. “B” stands for blastocyst, the developmental stage that is desired at 5 days after fertilization. “M” stands for morula, the stage 3 to 4 days after fertilization. We can’t be certain whether the morula is poor quality or if it is just a little slower in development. Success with a morula isn’t as likely as with a blastocyst, but is possible. The “2” and “3” are our clinics guides within the stages. Our first fresh transfer was a B2 and B3 and our second fresh transfer was a B3 and B3. All in all… the letters and numbers probably don’t tell us much of anything except which to bet on from the original bunch if we had more to choose from.

I’m now about 8 hours into my 48 hours of bed rest. I thought maybe the physical transfer would make this all seem real again. I’m sure some more hope will start to creep back in during the 2ww. Beta is June 20.

Please let this be it.

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10 Comments

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  1. sara / Jun 8 2011 9:45 pm

    I couldn’t have said it better…please let this be it. Sending love and support!! Hang on tight, boys!!

  2. K / Jun 9 2011 5:45 am

    Sending positives thoughts your way! (and negative thoughts to that dumb doctor)

  3. Amy / Jun 9 2011 7:09 am

    Thinking about you and Matt and sending good thoughts your way! :)

  4. renee / Jun 9 2011 7:18 am

    Eloquent post. Love you!

  5. lady pumpkin / Jun 9 2011 9:06 am

    Congratulations on getting to the other side of transfer! I’m sorry the cast of characters wasn’t quite how you would have had it. :( May the wait be smooth and swift and may there be over its course. Sending many hugs. xoxo

  6. Grannie K / Jun 9 2011 6:52 pm

    Our K clan is known for the proliferation of boys, it’s in God’s hands once again, I’m praying this is the time he has chosen for you and Matt.

  7. 1goodegg / Jun 9 2011 7:20 pm

    Your final words made me teary. Fingers crossed this is it! Still thinking of you! :*)

  8. Roccie / Jun 10 2011 10:01 am

    If you ever see a pineapple again, will it be too soon? Ugh. I hope the 48 hours went by as quickly as they can. Horizontal living is such a drag. The real wait is a long one.

    My thoughts on ass doctors is that they are so freaky smart, they forget how to be normal. They have so much IQ they have little to no EQ. I would rather have smart and talented than friendly. Let us be your friends and let the doctor do the techy stuff. It sucks, but dont let it put s spec of doubt in your head.

    Best best wishes. Hopefully we can cook up some wkend distractions to keep 20-Jun in the back of your mind.

  9. Bug Blogger / Jun 10 2011 6:29 pm

    From a fellow PGD’er, good luck. Hang in there. Your beta is the day before mine – I’ll be stalking.
    (hugs)
    Buggy

  10. Janet Solyntjes / Jun 10 2011 9:18 pm

    Remember Jizo Bodhisattva? How’s your Japanese these days? Anyway, here’s her (or his) mantra: Om ka ka kabi sam ma ei soha ka. Who knows? Prayer, mantra, positive thoughts, loving the little embryos as you rest. I, too, hope this is it.

    Love,
    Janet

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